I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
