Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
