Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
