I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
