we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
