question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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