how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
cat food counts as protein by the way
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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