I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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