I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
