I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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