Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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