girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
