MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
