so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
