Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
