if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
