I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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