I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
