There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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