Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
