five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
