I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
In other news, I just burned my penis
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
