i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
