Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
