Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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