I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
