I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize