Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
