My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
