He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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