i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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