We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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