why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
