Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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