So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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