He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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