You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
