if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You were trust falling into bushes
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
