im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize