Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
