i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
