Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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