I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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