Joe is yelling at the trees again.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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