We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
