So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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