Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
