I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
