i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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