I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
