I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
