Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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