I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so let's talk penis.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
