I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
