While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
