curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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