We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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