he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
