You were right. It hurts to walk today.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
