At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize