I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
