He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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