we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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