I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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