Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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