I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
