he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
