How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
