true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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